Thoughts from a photo album

I took my nighttime cold meds after a day of school, Monday Night Football and House I found myself laying in a bed unable to sleep. I sat there for a while and stared at the wall, the light switch (glows in the dark), then to an odd shaped glass filled with sand, sea shells and a candle and finally resting my eyes on a bookshelf with about a half a dozen photo albums lying on the bottom shelf. I easily pull myself out of the bed and gently take a photo album from the lower shelf. I opened and to my surprise I see my parents, aunts and uncles, and a few of their friends from when they were right out of high school. While viewing these pictures I found myself making fun of my Dad’s wavy Johnny Estrada hair and my mom’s interesting choice in footwear. They had been married for about 1 year in these pictures. I put that photo album down and began looking through all the others.

I started to think about something. What did my parents do that defined themselves back in the day? Was it what they did? Did they accomplish things, have a high status amongst friends or was it a sweet job where you made lots of moola? Or, were they defined by who they were, their character, what they did for others and how they loved God? This got me thinking about myself. Am I defined by the things that I have done or accomplished? Or do others see me for who I am and what my character is like? I know if I think back, I have made some decisions based on how people will look at me, they will like that I have made this decision because it is makes me “look” successful. Let me state that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being successful. I am merely tackling the heart and mindset of the issue of being defined by the things we do and not who we are. I will be the first to say that I am a mess, I let things, people, situations, greed and selfishness(to name a few) occasionally define who I am. I am asking myself and you, the reader, this question. What defines you? are you ok with that/those things? If not, why? Would your friends say the same thing?

Here are my answers.

I tend to let my accomplishments/status define me. I have worked really hard to get where I am at and I feel like I should be rewarded. I have a hard time saying no due to the fact that I need to accomplish more to please more people and feel better about myself, I feel accepted. In the end I tend to get burnt out and feet like I have been used.

I am not ok with that defining me.

God looks beyond our sinful nature and if all I want to do is feel like I did something for a title or status then I need to check my heart and my motives.

I think my close friends would say that I work hard. They might not realize that sometimes I do it because I need to gain that acceptance from others.

God does not want us to define ourselves in the things of this world. He wants us to have our identity found in Him. I hope that this sparks some thoughts inside you. I know it got me going enough to type all this out at midnight. Goodnight and farewell till next time!

New page in my life...

Hey guys,

So I'm now in a new chapter of life. God has opened some doors for me to continue to work at Bayside church as a part time staff member. He also opened doors for me to go to William Jessup University. With this new chapter comes changes. Some awesome, some not so awesome. The awesome things include: actually going to school with a purpose, not freaking out about whether or not I will have a job after my one year was up. Also, I have a great resource with Bayside. They give me an incredible scholarship for being in the internship at Bayside. The not so awesome things include: the fact that I will be very very busy with homework and Bayside. If I am about to drop 35,000 bucks in the next three years for school, I am going to make sure I take it seriously, get good grades and be the best student I can along with balancing work, family and friends.

On a personal level. I would like to say something to all my friends and family. I will be busy. I'm sorry if I seem out of touch with you or if it seems as if I don't care. This is NOT TRUE. I am just trying practice what I preach (see above). I will definitely make time for friends and family because I think its an important part of keeping myself healthy(mentally and spiritually) and accountable. So please try not to take it personal if you don't hear from me for a few days/weeks. I will try and keep this blog updated a little bit more this semester while in my hours of study so I can at least let you know whats going on.

P.S. This is how I have plotted my schedule this semester.

Monday
- School: 8am - 2:30pm
- Homework 3pm - 5pm
- Small Group 7 pm - 9pm (Starting October)

Tuesday
- Work 9:30am - 2pm
- Homework 2:15pm - 5pm

Wednesday
- School 8am - 2:30pm
- Homework 3pm - 3:45pm
- Work 4pm - 10pm

Thursdays
- Mantastic 7am - 8:30am (breakfast with the dudes)
- Mentoring 9am - 10am
- Homework 10:30am - 2pm
- Work 3pm - 10:30pm

Friday
- School 8am - 8:50am

Saturday - Off

Sunday
- Work 8:30am - 11:30am
- Homework 2pm - 4pm (make up time if needed)

Hint - Fridays and Saturdays are good days to hang or call to chat.

- Jesse